I was 17 when I first started using drugs, just weed, used to hang out with my friends after school and we’d get high for something to do. It seemed harmless. I came from a good background, loving parents, two siblings, lived in a nicer part of town. After I graduated I moved to California and met some new friends who smoked weed. Same thing, seemed harmless. Some of my new friends were taking other drugs though and drinking a lot. It wasn’t long before I started drinking a lot too. Vodka was my choice of drink, sometimes I would mix it others just drink it straight. After a while I became dependent on the weed, and not long after that the alcohol. Morning noon and night I smoked, couldn’t wait to get home and light up the joints I had already prepared. Next thing I’d be attacking the vodka.
Then one night I went out with my pothead friends and was offered cocaine, I was told it was different kind of high, so I did a line, fifteen minutes later I did another line. The next night another, and still wanted more. It can only take one time to want more! That following weekend I bought a ¼ of a gram which gradually progressed to a gram and a ½, I then realized I had become addicted to cocaine, along with the weed and alcohol. I would wake up in the morning put on a pot of coffee then draw out two lines of coke. Throughout the day I would snort it every hour, tweek all day, then smoke weed and drink my vodka at night to bring me down.
After a while it made me paranoid, I was on high alert much of the time, and became severely depressed. But I needed it, craved it, and like my crack head friends I had to find a way to get more money to buy the drug, it wasn’t cheap, but I needed it more than I felt I needed air. Fortunately I had a good job that paid well so I worked more hours to cover my addiction. I didn’t care about anything other than having enough money to buy my fix.
The people I knew who were not in my financial position resorted to stealing, I remember my friends boyfriend breaking into a car to steal the CD player. Now I was hanging with people who were stealing from others, breaking the law. I never done that, but I was breaking the law by snorting cocaine. I didn’t care though, like I said I needed it more than air. I was addicted. I was on cocaine for fifteen years, and for an eight month period I was buying and snorting an 8-ball every day, that’s 3.5 grams, which is an insane amount, enough to OD. I hated it. I used to go to bed every night praying that when I wake up I wont crave it anymore. Every night I did this yet would wake the following morning drawing out my lines.
Over time my nasal septum collapsed from all the snorting and I had to have my nose operated on. So I have a hole in my nose now, as well as heart problems, but I am lucky I didn’t die. It controls and ruins your life! For many years I was numb to everything and everyone around me. I wasn’t living I was existing for my fix.
My depression worsened to the extent that I tried to kill myself. I landed up in the psych hospital and this was the very beginning of a long road to recovery. I fell off the wagon a few times. I went into rehab for 28 days, then a sober living home for 2 months. I’d stay clean for a week but because I was sharing a house with a friend who was still using I would scope it out. I was attending NA and AA meetings and still snorting. I was a fake. I lied to my friends, my family, and friends at the AA meetings who were congratulating me for being clean. It had to stop. I was dying inside and if I’d of not stopped I would surely be dead today.
So I tried another sober-living home, this time I stayed for four months and started living my life according to the twelve step program. I just celebrated five years of being completely sober. Sober from cocaine, sober from weed, and sober from alcohol. I feel as though I had lost many years of my life due to my addiction. I am now happy, I can function, and I live for me not my fix.